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Smug All Stars Part Deuce

Due to immense demand and public outcry for an expansion of the groundbreaking Smug All Star Team, DB has decided to add to the line up in this and possibly future posts.

The Cadillac Commercials (2008-9).  Sorry Blitzen, only got room for 8.  Good thing GM is still able to maintain an elite level of smugness despite needing billions of taxpayer money just to survive.  Cadillac loved running those advertisements to let the public know that they're better than you.  Thanks.  

So Smug.

Tony Romo-QB Dallas Cowboys.  The leader of the choke artist Dallas Cowboy team, Romo is also dating the pound packing Jessica Simpson.  Remember the Cabo vacation, the broken pinky, the fumbled snap, the incredible lack of big game wherewithal.  Romo is a classic joke and will likely help the Cowboys run up the score in meaningless games and continue the streak of no playoff victories since 1996.  Good thing for Giants fans!

Antonio Pierce introducing Mr. Romo to the turf.

Kate Winslet-Actress.  Gotta respect her unappologetic attitude when winning an award she feels she was a long time coming....

Bill Maher-Comedian.  This guy thinks he knows everything and isn’t that the definition of smug?  Oh Bill please tell us what you think about religion.  Does this guy really think that after thousands of years that it will be his crappy documentary that changes they way the world thinks?

Nice Hooker

Jeff Goldblum-Actor.  A recognizable actor with a number of films to his name.  Clearly he will be remembered for his role as Dracula in the film Goosebumps: Escape from Horrorland (1996).  Anyone remember those old Apple computer commercials.  Somehow Apple is doing better with Justin Long as their spokesman.  That may say something.

Alec Baldwin-Actor.  To play someone as smug as Jack Donneghy on 30 Rock, you need to practice 24/7.

Nice Hat

Judi Dench-Dame. Keep riding that bond role Judi.  Joel McCale keeps her quite relevant.

Sweet Cleavage 

Smug All Star Team

This is by no means the definitive list of the smug all star squad.  The people on this list have earned their spot by smug actions in the 2008-2009 smug season.  Many more could end up on this list, feel free to toss some names out there and we can add to the list.

Cris Collinsworth-former NFL WR, Sportscaster.  His voice, his remarks, his hairline that moves back during the show, Cris Collinsworth is unbearably smug.  Not only does his spell his name without an 'h' (which makes no sense), but he also rambles about meaningless garbage throughout the broadcasts.  Every time he laughs the world cringes, he is a smug all star.

The 2008 Philadelphia Eagles-Football team.  Starting in Week 2, when DeSean Jackson (below) was so smug that he dropped the ball in celebration before he even crossed the goal line, we knew that this was a special brand of smug.  Continuing on throughout their strange season, this Eagles squad somehow turned mediocrity into showboating.  McNabb, a player benched just a few weeks earlier, somehow had the audacity to pick up a telephone in the end zone after scoring a touchdown in the playoffs.  One cannot ever recall someone who is so disliked doing so little to gain any support.  The Eagles got what was coming to them when old man Warner destroyed them in the NFC Championship.  This team can never win it until they realize how to win.  

 

UPS Commercial Guy-Douche.  Cut your hair, shut your mouth, and get off the television.

Bob Costas-Sportscaster.  Costas is very knowledgeable when it comes to sports, he is also intelligent and eloquent.  Nonetheless, he is still the ringmaster to the most awful sports show on television: NBC's Football Night in America.  This show's smug makes George Clooney's Oscar Speech seem tame.  Costas' body language on the show, while he sips his coffee on Sunday nights, does little to help.

Jim Halpert-The Office, Blackberry commercial.  Jim Halpert, everyone's favorite lovable unmotivated goof-ball has taken a step into the smug world.  His new commercial for the Blackberry Storm shows how quickly one can land a spot on this team.  Please for Jim's sake, stop running those commercials.

The Beckhams-Soccer Player, Spice Girl.  Beckham may be a big time soccer star, yet the contract he signed and is trying to get out of in LA guarantees him a starting spot on this team.  His wife's profusion of plastic surgery means she thinks everyone is stupid enough to believe she really looks that way.

Jimmy Fallon-Actor, Comedian.  Terrible actor, future destructor of Late Night.

Dane Cook-Comedian, Actor.  Take a look at this guy.  The faux-vintage tee, the massive belt buckle, the slouch that tells everyone that his concern is not for your opinion of him.  However, Dane Cook has planned out a very particular image amongst his constituency.  Cook becomes ecstatic every time someone utters: "he's so college."  Family Guy put his appeal best: "I'm in college and he was on the internet."  Being on the internet some how gives him some sort of legitimacy.  His carefully crafted image is so insufferable that any human being with any sense of judgement would get sick of him quickly.  The fact that he continues, makes him smug.

  

Sarah Palin-Governor of Alaska, failed VP Candidate 2008.  DB is not here to bash this woman.  She took enough grief for being incompetent and ill-qualified for such a high position in the federal government.  What brings her to this team is her sass, her constant condescending attitude, and her lack of respect for any who opposes her.  Her accent is also quite obnoxious.   

Curt Schlling-former MLB Pitcher.  Schilling was a good pitcher, with solid post season success, but not the all-time great that Red Sox fans would like to make him out to be.  Without getting into his numbers lets talk about the guy.  Not only does Schilling constantly open his mouth about everything from steroids to politics, but he does it in a way that lands him a spot on this team.  He constantly campaigns for the worst of American politicians and is just an all around smug all star.

A Rod Knew He Was Not Taking Tic Tacs

In an era of his life which he so affectionately referred to as "amateur hour" Alex "A.Roid" Rodriguez admitted that he was indeed not taking Tic Tacs.  A Rod (above) clearly seemed to have a taste in his mouth that the 5 calorie breath mint would correct.  However, Honest Alex found himself in yet another favorable PR situation which he still somehow turned into a mess.   All the hope became the typical A Rod affair (not Madonna or some stripper) of circular storytelling with more holes than Shia LaBeouf could ever dream of digging.  

Anybody sick of this story yet?

Things the Government Should Not Spend Our Money On

Welcome to Part 1 in the all-new exclusive DB series advocating fiscal responsibility.  The government clearly spends way too much money on certain things.  Here you can see first hand how ridiculous these things may be and how quickly our demagogues in local, state, and federal government are willing to toss our money around to satisfy a few morons.

Stanley (left) and Congressman Cummings (right)

Here at DB we pride ourselves on covering the A Rod saga in a way that is hovering above pedestrian.  We know there are a million ways to look into this bombshell; however, it is important to take note of the fact that Congressman Elijah Cummings (D-Maryland) feels his constituency would like him to investigate this situation.  Maryland’s 7^th district, which happens to be home to Baltimore and the rival Orioles, must really want its representative to throw money around looking into A Rod’s steroid use.  Lets break it down:  A Rod was not mentioned in the Mitchell Report.  Lying to Katie Couric does not mean anything in the legal code.  We need to focus on our economy not steroids in baseball. Luckily for us, House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform chairman Edolphus Towns (D-NY), said they will not waste our cash on A Rod.        

 

Bud Selig: Baseball's George W Bush

The NY Post pulled an "all-nighter" trying to come up with this headline.

Bud Selig trying to remember if he put on pants this morning...

In yet another bonehead move, MLB commissioner and all around doofus Bud Selig has announced he would like to look into reprimanding A Rod for admitting to use steroids.  This comes as a large surprise as Selig himself has no such power.

For starters: these tests were for the MLBPA only and thus no persons outside the agreement has the ability to see the names, no less release them (ahem).  He cannot take action on A Rod because of the 2003 agreement.  The union should have destroyed the results; however, their error does not mean that the terms of this contract should be voided.

Entrees: when A Rod tested positive there was no penalty for steroid use.  Yes it was illegal--but the baseball union knows how to push its owners around in a way the auto workers could only dream of.  So Selig is suggesting penalizing a player, who came clean--albeit feebly, under the current laws.  We here at DB love and respect the rule of law in the US and would love to point out this example of an ex post facto reaction.  Of course Selig, a political science and history major from the University of Wisconsin, would know that such actions are deemed unconstitutional under Article I, Section 9 of our Constitution and thus any suspension would violate the foundation of the American legal system.

Deserts: Selig, much like Bush, seems to cause a blunder with every step.  However, he still makes upwards of $18 million per season.  So it is a DB conclusion that he must be attempting to do something to earn his pay.  Even if it makes him look much worse in the process.

Another Slam for Guitar Hero World Tour

This fall Guitar Hero World Tour hit shelves.  Lazy kids clamoring for the joy of rock stardom, but unwilling to put in the effort (or simply untalented) to actually learn the instrument, could now gain the adoring applause of a worldwide video crowd.  As if this was not enough incentive, the creators of GHWT decided to assemble the dream team of role models: Tony Hawk, Kobe Bryant, Michael Phelps, and of course Alex Rodriguez.

DB was the first to point out the group’s lack of moral fiber (not to say that we here at DB are trying to promote any sort of moral ideology, kids are impressionable and PR is hard to turn around). Kobe’s past is well known, and yes he was acquitted of his charges, but still not exactly Mr. Rogers.  Tony has been married three times, which usually signifies something shady—but then again who cares.  We have been over Phelps’ issues.  A Rod has simply exceeded any and all expectations for the group.

A Rod aka A Fraud tested positive for steroid use in 2003.  We can now truly call him A Roid.  His arrogance has come full circle.  All the Toronto stripper and Madonna Kabala nonsense is now child’s play compared to this.  For years he has denied any use of performance enhancing drugs.  Even saying “he was never tempted” in an interview with the hard-hitting journalist Katie Couric (who recently said to Lil Wayne: ‘I hear you are one who loves his weed’).  This guy is such a head case that he will not be able to handle this, making a big waste of the Yankees massive investment with him and the other big time free agents they put around him.

The only person who comes out on top here is Jose Canseco.  This guy is an absolute joke, but he has always been right.  That whole Texas team of the early 2000s was truly on the juice, he was responsible for it, he admitted it and now he may sell a few more copies of “Vindicated.”

The report claims 104 names were on that list.  DB is sure that a few more big names will come out.  Maybe David Ortiz—his numbers certainly call for it.  Lets hope that Albert Pujols or Manny Ramirez are not on it, or this could be a bigger blow to baseball than the revelation of Brady Anderson.

Guest Rant--Kebano

Big Ben doing his best not to crash his motorcycle

okay, heres where kebano stands on the super bowl



the cards were not disciplined at all. 


there was a 100 yd interception that should have sucked the life out of a team

they gave over 100yds of penalties throughout the game.

they were completely dominated the first half and much of the third quarter

there was (i cant exactly recall) 2 interceptions in the game.

the cards pretty much looked as sloppy as the hammered chick throwing up in the fake tree at a party.
but i digress…

despite all of these mishaps that, one the giants would have never made, i digress again. a team that makes it all that way has no reason to make those dummy penalties. anyway this is what i am getting at:


even though the cards pretty much gave the steelers over 7 pts (including 100yd into+ 100 yds of penalties) the cardinals almost won that game.

for god sakes, they had a lead, in the fourth quarter!



the cardinals defense was tired because they were on the field for the most part of the game (since their offense had trouble converting on 3rd down\) and that is why big, motorcycle-crashing ben was able to go down the field at ease.



okay, so with all this information, the steelers were in no way the better team. they didnt beat the cards, the cards beat the cards.

in the end the steelers were not a great team i dont know how many times i have to say this. im sick and tired of espn saying how 'amazing' ben and the steelers were. what they are not saying is how lucky they got. its just garbage, they neglect to show how well of a comeback the cards have despite into's, penalties, poor defense, faltering offense, and lack of superbowl experienc (oh the steelers had more than double the amount of players that have been to the superbowl) damn, stuff like that just pisses me off..



AND IN NO WAY WAS THAT SUPER BOWL BETTER THAN GIANTS VS. PATS. last years had drama. it was ol' fashioned david vs. goliath. it should be known as the greatest game ever, not steelers vs cards.

anyway, this was kebanos take,



 

keep your grown man on ,
kebano

News

Coming soon to Duk Budr:

Guest rant from the great Kebano

Possible interview with the Griff?

Terrible PR

Santonio Holmes and Mickey Mouse rollin'

Santonio Holmes, Super Bowl 43 MVP, and new bro of everyone's childhood favorite cartoon mouse recently discussed selling drugs as a young man in south Florida.  Also, this season he was charged with possession of marijuana when he was pulled over smoking a joint in his car.  This lack of regard for his image, team, and fellow motorists somehow became lost is the smog of the Steelers 27 – 23 inching of the Cardinals.  The moral of this story: all can be forgotten after you win big.

On the other hand, Michael Phelps shows how quickly people forget about your accomplishments.  A photograph of the swimmer smoking a bong surfaced last week.  Phelps, the hero of the summer, now has two smudges on his PR resume: a DUI and photographic evidence of him using illicit substances.  Phelps finds himself in a whirlwind of controversy and leaves his millions of sponsorship dollars hanging in the balance. 

What Phelps did was stupid, (he should have destroyed that kid’s camera once the picture was taken—but then again he was stoned). Phelps did nothing to hurt anyone else and is not even competing anytime soon.  But this simply proves he is not the role model people tried to make him into.  It’s unfortunate that Phelps does not have any big races coming up where he can redeem himself like Holmes somehow was able to. 

Burress on the phone with Holmes getting some PR advice.

America's Team

This pic is an homage to last years champs.  In one of the most exciting Super Bowls in recent memory, the "18-0" film crew from Foxborough, Mass. fell to the unlikely New York Giants of East Rutherford, NJ.  The underlying story of the game became the Patriots new 18-1 record.  The 1 being the only one any person of any importance cares for.  Smug steaming out of Bill Bellicheck's cut of sleeves, the "genius" fell to the up and coming young team led by Peyton Manning's little brother.  However, the story inevitably became one of an impressive pass rush coming together and the heroics of the previously somber Eli.  Going 19 of 34 for 255 yds with 2 tds and one tipped interception, the young Manning made his mark.  In a clean game the Giants made big plays and pulled it out in the end.  The game became an instant classic.  Soon you loyal few readers can see the reaction of football fans to last night's game, featuring guest rants and all.

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A blog about anything I see fit.